Caring for an elderly parent can be stressful on so many different levels. Not only is it emotionally and physically challenging, but it can also be expensive. Unfortunately, this ongoing stress often results in conflicts between siblings and other family members, who have different opinions on how the care should be handled. This is an area that requires some tact and deft handling as no senior wants to see the last few years of their life witnessing fights and conflicts between their children and other relatives.
Why Families Fight About Senior Care
There are several different reasons why families end up fighting about senior care. However, the most common reasons are as following:
The difference in Opinion about Parent’s Needs: Siblings often have different views about the kind of care that their parent needs. One adult child may feel that the parent should stay at home and get the care they require while the other child may be of the opinion that the parent should be placed in a care facility. This leads to disagreements, which can be resolved by getting senior care and healthcare experts to gauge an elderly person’s requirements and offer suggestions.
Parent May Not Want Care: Sometimes, all adult children are in agreement that the parent requires care, but the parent feels they are fine and don’t need any assistance whatsoever. This is understandable as everyone loves their independence and would hate the thought of being dependent on others. The only way to address this conflict is to speak to the parent without getting angry and upset.
Previous Family Issues Crop Up: When adult children begin talking about senior care for their parents, sometimes past conflicts and sibling rivalry can rear its head. As a result, instead of deciding what is best for the parent, siblings end up fighting and settling scores with one another.
One Adult Child Does All the Work: Invariably, the adult child who lives closest to an aging parent is the one who ends being the main caregiver. Very often, other adult children may not volunteer to help, assuming their sibling is taking care of matters. This can cause the caregiver to become resentful and angry, leading to fights and disagreements.
Common Hot-Button Issues
Besides caregiving and deciding what is best for a parent, there are some other hot issues that lead to strife between siblings.
- Finances: This perhaps is one of the major issues as siblings cannot decide who should pay for the care, and who should handle a parent’s finances. Obviously, even inheritance comes into play, especially if a parent dies without making a will.
- Arrangements for Caregiving: The problem arises regarding making arrangements for a parent’s care. All siblings may have different points of view, leading to conflicts.
- Medical Decisions: This is a sensitive topic as it involves ongoing treatment and sometimes end of life decisions. Siblings may not want to take these decisions.
- Family Items: If a parent dies, who will receive the things that the parent leaves behind? This can lead to fights and disagreements.
Tips For Heading Off Potential Conflicts
Family members need to find ways to resolve conflicts or even try and head them off before one emerges. Here are some tips that may help:
- 1. Involve your parent in any decisions that you make regarding them. This will make them feel involved and prevent animosity or anger.
- 2. If you need help, ask your sibling for it. Many times, others may not be aware that you need assistance and hence, don’t bother with it.
- 3. Make sure you let other family members know about your parent’s health and caregiving requirements. This way, the main caregiver can take time off and ensure the parent is still well looked after by other family members.
- 4. Just because you and your sibling don’t agree, there is no reason to be mean and nasty. Learn to control your tongue and it will solve many issues.
- 5. As the main caregiver, learn to take time off to rest and rejuvenate. It will help your mood and tiredness, and above all, prevent you from fighting with your siblings.
The best thing to do is for families to discuss potential issues openly. Taking the time to talk things over can help resolve the often conflicting issue of senior care.
